When you control your mind, by focusing on a better way of thinking, you may still be focusing on the same thought, even though you may think it is the opposite of that thought. Sound confusing? Read on and I will explain.
We have learned that through our discomfort, we can find the immediate contrast to a bad feeling, and we can shift our focus to that better feeling/emotion, if we really want to do what it takes to feel better and are willing to go there.
The key is in our focus on the contrasting feeling.
Here’s an example: My dogs bark really loudly, and it feels like a free-for-all when someone comes to the door. I tell them to stop, but with two large dogs, it feels overwhelming. So I try some mind control:
I’ll think of the contrast, “It’s aggravating and I want them to stop barking!”, Here I was focusing on what I want, but that doesn’t feel better, in fact it fuels the fire!
Hmmm, focus on the opposite. “My dogs are not barking, my dogs are not barking, my dogs are not….” OK forget it, that didn’t work at all!
Rational thought: “My dogs are just doing their job.” So… maybe that helps a little.
“My dogs will get better as they get older.”… I am starting to feel better, but barely!
“I haven’t done a very good job at training them..” Bad mom, bad feeling…
These are all examples of thinking to get what I want, which is always to feel better, but it can take quite a while to feel better this way, and many times we get stuck by still focusing on not having what we really want.
So I will try refocusing on the feeling that I want to have: “I love my dogs.”
OK, now I am getting that warm and good feeling.
“We take care of each other and I feel loved by them”, that’s getting better.
“I can feel their joy when they see me and I am always so happy to see them too” Now I’m feeling even better.
Once we get into that space of FEELING better, our inspiration comes to help us move in the direction to solve the issue.
“I really do LOVE my dogs, and we can learn together” yea… much better!
“It would be fun to learn how to communicate more clearly, in a way that feels good to all of us. Maybe we can go to classes together so that we can enjoy our relationship even more.”
Most of us allow our default setting to take us into an instant reaction. We can make a new habit of listening within and following the guidance from what feels better and what feels worse. We can always find our inner guidance to what we really want, the instant something happens.
It is not the bounce from the contrasting thought that actually helps us, it is the bounce to the contrasting emotion or feeling that we deeply desire. It is from that place of emotional awareness, that we find the sparks of inspiration that can direct us more toward who we really are and what we really want.
Written by: Barbara Alexander, Founder and Director of Epona Ridge, Teacher and Innovator of Equine Experiential Learning and Coaching for Advanced Human Development.
Epona Ridge, a sanctuary retreat center for inspiration, is located in Asheville, North Carolina and offers life and career support, Reiki certification, facilitator training, individual workshops and retreats incorporating the teachings of Abraham – Hicks and the Law of Allowing. For more information see: www.EponaRidge.com
This post is great! I feel it does a good job of explaining why trying to change a thought rather than looking for a change of feeling so often is counter productive and leaves a person feeling worse.